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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2015
    Posts
    5

    Default Greetings, and a shameful confession (long story)

    HI!

    Feel free to call me “Hoosier” or “Hoo”. I’ve lived here several years but the place is all new to me. I suppose that doesn’t make much sense yet, does it? Hopefully it will if you read my story.

    I am a human who has lived most of his adult life here. Well, here - but not HERE. It was this place in the sense that I occupied the same coordinates, globally and temporally, but it .. was... it IS .... * looks around, sighs* ...this isn’t what I knew here.

    I live right here *points to his parcel in Great Fissure*. I lived right here in my comfortable fully automated self-contained AI condo (46th floor!) overlooking the river. But that was a week ago. A week. *sigh* A week, and many lifetimes.

    I guess I’m what many of you might call a “masheener”, although we were mostly called “geeks”. I built the first Personal Varitemporator, in fact I pioneered the very theories upon which it functions. I’m immensely proud of that accomplishment although I suppose it hasn’t turned out so good.

    Apologies. I don’t mean to confuse or insult. A personal varitemporator is what silly storybooks called a “time machine”. “Time machine” is quite a misnomer, really just sensationalist nonsense. A Varitemporator isn’t a machine in the sense of having physically moving parts. It isn’t a cage with a seat, or a big ... THING ... with jumping sparks and flashing lights. Actually a Personal Varitemporator looks like a bottle of beer with a jalapeņo in it.

    They’re great at parties.

    I attempted to build a two-person version of the Varitemporator with no success. Inexplicably 2 jalapeņos were insufficient. Of course 3 wouldn’t fit in the bottle.

    Varitemping is quite relaxing. One momentarily occupies a “varitempus conduit” where one experiences deep, permeating, rejuvinating silence.

    So, back to how I got here.
    Last edited by HoosierDaddie; 11-20-2015 at 12:13 AM.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov 2015
    Posts
    5

    Default

    I lived a life of comfort, to say the least. All of my needs and most of my desires were fulfilled instantly. My life knew no want, no danger, no struggle. Thus, I was depressed. In fact I was suicidal but lacked the courage to fill that particular desire.

    I conceived of a work-around for my lack of courage. I decided to retrovaritempus and prevent my own birth. I planned to derail my Grandparents' union - by any means necessary. Family lore held that my Grandparents met at a party in 1957. While pondering how to thwart my Grandparent’s marriage my eyes fell to the baseball bat I keep by the door. In a fit of geekly irony I had long ago named it “Kindness”, and even went so far as to have the word engraved along the bat’s leading side. I grabbed my IPhone and Varitemporator, took a firm hold on Kindness and conduited to 1957.

    I briefly felt the comforting silence of the varitempus conduit, then found myself at a rather tame teen party in a suburban wood-frame home, dateline 1957. I took one step forward, tripped on an area rug and fell head first into the cheese dip.

    [ Is blackcloud still here? I went a long way just to hit that. ]
    Last edited by HoosierDaddie; 11-20-2015 at 12:09 AM.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2015
    Posts
    5

    Default

    Getting straight to my purpose I found my Grandmother-to-be at the party, a voluptuous 18 year-old with a come-hither expression, making eyes at my Grandfather-to-be from across the room.

    Knowing I must work in haste I got her attention, struck up a conversation and soon lured her out onto the side porch. Improvising, I decided to first dazzle her with my IPhone. She was infatuated with the moving full-color (!) images and I knew how I would carry out my nefarious mission. I dialed up the complete collection of Saved By The Bell reruns and started them playing. Within minutes she was incoherent and unresponsive. Mission 50% complete.

    Growing impatient I went back inside, struck up a conversation with my pre-Grandfather and casually mentioned that I had some whiskey stashed in my car - want to come out and have a snort? With a grin and a furtive glace around he agreed to meet me in the driveway.

    I lured him behind a parked Biscayne and killed him with Kindness.

    Mission complete ... or so I thought. I expected that any moment I’d cease to exist.

    I did not.

    My mind raced .. .what the hell? Why am I still here?

    Thinking it would complete the changes I adjusted the Varitemporator to “return” and activated it. I assumed that I would just never exit the conduit, or at worst cease to exist when I came out of it.

    In transition I was horrified! No wonderful silence surrounded me. Instead a great roaring explosive sound shook the universe - A Sound of Thunder
    Last edited by HoosierDaddie; 11-19-2015 at 11:56 PM.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov 2015
    Posts
    5

    Default

    When I exited the conduit at time & place of departure, still grasping Kindness and the Varitemporator I did not step into my 46th floor AI condo. My home was now...

    THIS. *indicates The Great Fissure region with a sweeping movement of both arms*

    And so this is here, this is now, this is reality. My condo never existed. The lovely river never existed.

    Apparently one of my grandparents was instrumental in preventing The Fall.

    and this... *sweeps arms again*
    this is my doing. Indirectly, but still ...

    *hangs head*
    Last edited by HoosierDaddie; 11-20-2015 at 12:12 AM.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Nov 2015
    Posts
    5

    Default

    Anyway, the forums told me that most anyone I meet will gladly lend me a hand, and it proved true. During my very first stroll around TW I met someone in Burnt Oak who readily lent me a hand. There was still a little blood dripping from the wrist end, so I didn't keep it long. I returned it with what I hoped was a convincing expression of gratitude.

    Sadly I cannot varitemp again. We're out of jalapeņos.

    I hope to meet some of you soonish.
    Last edited by HoosierDaddie; 11-20-2015 at 12:01 AM.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Apophenia, Malady Bog
    Posts
    1,121

    Default

    Haha, welcome - or welcome back - to The Wastelands!

    We're definitely a helpful bunch - out-of-character, at least. In-character, you never know....

    But feel free to drop by my place, The N, any time. It's an inn, hangout, and orientation area designed to help new and returning players learn the ropes of The Wastelands - and to help new roleplay characters shed some of the delusions that they may have developed during their long and stressful journey.

    The roleplay here is deep and engaging, and - despite the limitations on knowledge, technology, resources, and abilities, which are necessary to maintain a post-apocalyptic setting - it supports a wide variety of character concepts and playstyles. (Plus, it's completely optional: you never have to RP at all, if these fundamental limitations just aren't to your taste!)

    You've clearly got a flair for storytelling, though! I hope to see you in-world sometime. In-character or out, I'd be glad to help re-acquaint you with The Wastelands' own unique brand of weirdness!
    Whatever shit Wastelanders do, however dirty or bloody or batshit random it is, it comes right from our gritty, fucked up little hearts, and that's beautiful.

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